The only perfect angel is a devil.

Guess what I'm asking for my B-day?? (Bonus points this comes out day before said b-day)

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 17:55:17 GMT

Yes I know its not considered canon by most but Z.O.M.G. Bails in it and so is Vader and ZOMFBBQG *head explodes in joy* WHEEE!

Asajj pwns my soul.

Obi-Wan even more so.

Dear Gawd I'm so seeing this coming Aug. 15. 08

Tagged with the letter 'H' by rumination

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 15:15:03 GMT

01. comment to this post and i will assign you a letter
02. list (upload = optional) 5 songs that start with that letter
03. post those songs to your livejournal with these instructions.

Okay here they are:

1. Halloween Theme - John Carpenter

2. Here - Vast

3. Hwa jang eul go chigo - Wax

4. Hills and Fields - Jade Empire Soundtrack (Jack Wall)

5. Halo - The Cure

X-posted from au100 'The Braid'

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 23:54:58 GMT

Title: The Braid.
Fandom: Star Wars
Characters: Anakin (Darth Vader)
Prompt: 88. He
Ratings & Warnings: PG.
Beta: Huge thanks goes to cariel =D
Disclaimer: Not mine. None of it.
Author’s notes/Warnings: This is an AU fic and I apologize in advance if my portrayal of Ferus is considered inappropriate. I’ve never read the novels or the comics so I’m just going why what the good olde wookipedia says ;)

Staring at himself in the mirror Anakin’s fingers gingerly touched the patch of hair that now stuck out in defiance. One ratty tuft of hair against so many cowlicks and he knew only an hour ago it had been a part of his padawan braid. He never thought he’d ever miss the annoying, stringy braid, but now that it was gone he couldn’t help but wish he could take it back.

Things were just simpler when responsibilities and duty belonged to others, when one was just following orders instead of making and giving them. Anakin suddenly wondered if that was one of the many reasons that Ferus Olin had chosen to leave the Order when he had. It then occurred to Anakin that since the young man’s departure, he had not once thought about his competitor and sparring partner.

It had been years since Ferus left and yet only now on this auspicious day did Anakin realize just how much he missed the annoying young knight. It wasn’t as though they had ever even close friends –at least not in the usual sense of the word. They were more competitors, duellists or so Anakin once believed, skilled fighters seeking supremacy in the Order they served. In fact at one point, Anakin had even been convinced that he hated the young knight because of his noble persona and pure heart. He made Anakin look bad and that alone was something he couldn’t tolerate.

Looking back, Anakin realized that the young man was also something he had never known before, a true friend. Now Anakin was left wondering if Ferus knew just how much his departure from the Order had affected them all, if Ferus even thought of the Order anymore, or if he was happier now that he was free of the responsibilities and duties demanded of them.

Anakin suspected the young warrior had found new innocents to save and even more demanding duties to claim as his own. It wouldn’t be like Ferus to shirk away from his destiny; he wasn’t a coward after all, not like Anakin. The thought forced his mind forward and soon Anakin was splashing cold water against his face before lathering his skin up with soap. The suds made his freshly shaven skin sting, a strangely satisfying feeling as though a part of him understood that it was deserved.

Skywalker could still remember the young man’s silent sorrow, the tears Ferus was never really able to shed for a woman he loved and who he believed had died saving his life. The silent, unspoken understanding that the two young men never shared before was something he couldn’t easily forget. Now what Anakin remembered most was the strange feeling of guilt, an emotion he had never known until he saw the young Jedi knight struggling to let go of his sorrow in order to meditate.

It was hard to forget the sight of the young knight sitting poised, alone in the dimly lit gardens, his expression troubled and his pained-eyes tightly closed as a single tear found its way down his cheek. The young man’s emotions were a careful mix of sorrow, love, and a desperation that only one struggling to move on could understand.

Anakin had intended on admitting his crime to Ferus. After witnessing the young man in such a vulnerable state, Anakin couldn’t bring himself to face him. He might have been convinced that Ferus was an enemy, but even Anakin knew enough to respect the young man’s privacy.

Ferus never was the same after Darra Thel-Tanis’s death, and neither was Anakin.

He never spoke of what he had seen to Ferus. He was never given the chance. By morning, the young warrior was speaking to the Council. By evening, he had left the Order.

Anakin buried the memory of the events, of what he had witnessed in the garden and of the admittance he should have given. He never thought of it again, that was until tonight.

Towel drying his face, Anakin met his reflections gaze and found he was unable to look away.

When did he get so old? So weary and tired? When did it all become so complicated?

Anakin imagined that Ferus was bound to learn of Darra Thel-Tanis’s murder, or rather the true reasons for it. The truth always had a way of surfacing and Anakin wondered if the rogue Jedi knew just how pointless his departure from the Order had been.

Did Ferus know that it was his former friend’s fear that destroyed the budding love Darra and he shared? Or that it was Anakin’s jealousy that cost Darra her life and Ferus’s future with the Order?

No longer able to maintain his gaze, Anakin frowned as he tossed aside his towel, narrowly missing the basket he was meant to get it in. Burying the thought once more, Anakin muttered a curse under his breath as he reminded himself that was a Knight now and above such doubts.

Departing from the fresher, Anakin caught sight of his reflection from the corner of his eyes. With it came a painful revelation, one he had never allowed himself to consider and one he would not consider again.

If Anakin couldn’t forgive himself for what he had done, how could he possibly expect his only friend to ever forgive him?

X-posted from varietypack100 "Moving on" Awake fic

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:53:43 GMT

Title: Moving on.
Fandom: Awake
Pairings: Clay Beresford
Prompt: #89. Work
Ratings & Warnings: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine. None of it.
Summery: Clay maybe have gained a second chance at life, but was the price truly worth it? How does one move one when there is nothing left to move towards?

It was raining outside, the perfect imagery of his tormented thoughts. It had been three months, twelve days and fourteen hours since Clay had undergone the surgery. The heart transplant was a success and his recovery as they put it, had been miraculous. Nothing miraculous about struggling to survive so they wouldn’t win. Nothing remotely heroic about it either.

Dr. Neyer informed him that he should visit a psychiatrist to take off the edge. If Clay couldn’t even trust those he loved, what made him think he’d trust a complete stranger?

He was alone now, truly alone, and for what? A new heart did not replace the mother he had lost, nor did it change the fact that his best friend and his wife had betrayed him. For all of his money, training and education Clay Beresford was still nothing more than a naïve fool. A naïve chump who lost everything in the hopes of gaining it all.

Sighing softly he lit a cigarette and took a couple quick puffs to ensure the light was strong. Clay knew he this wasn’t the wisest course of action, especially given his delicate condition. Nevertheless it was hard to resist when he knew smoking was the closest he’d ever come to feeling peace again. His fingers shook as he drew back the cigarette from his lips. He couldn’t tell if the shivers he felt were from the chill in the air, the water now soaking his head and face, or from exhaustion. He really didn’t care either.

One thing hadn’t changed, and that was work. Despite the operation, the legalities and the multiple court hearings, Clay still had to keep up with his work. He was exhausted from it all but it didn’t stop him from continuing to push himself as hard as he could. He had no other choice now, not anymore; his work was all he had left to live for.

The sound of footsteps from inside alerted Clay to the fact he wasn’t alone, at least not literally. Taking another drag of his cigarette he glanced over his shoulder to catch sight of a maid placing a steaming cup of coffee onto his desk. The young woman glanced up to the window where he stood and meeting his gaze gave a polite, but kind smile before departing.

Clay knew young woman had nothing to do with the events surrounding his heart transplant, or the betrayal of his wife and best friend. She was innocent of all that, yet it didn’t stop him from immediately feeling suspicious of her. He knew better and yet a part of him couldn’t help but think that she too was biding her time waiting for her chance to take advantage of him.

Suddenly he wondered when he had become so suspicious of everyone around him, or why he hadn’t felt this before. As he exhaled -causing plumes of smoke to escape his lips- Clay wondered if he would ever be able to trust again, or if his life would consist of nothing more than paranoid games of cat and mouse.

His cell phone rang jolting him from his thoughts. Clay took one last drag of his smoke before tossing it to the ground and putting it out with his foot.

Answering the call with a tired greeting Clay promptly found himself on the receiving end of an invitation for a night out on the town. A kind gesture from a concern co-worker, one whose fascination with old horror films used to make Clay laugh. Though he appreciated the consideration Clay couldn’t say he was really interested.

“Oh come on Clay, its not like the work won’t be waiting for you in the morning anyways!”

Clay smiled to his colleague’s encouragement knowing that he was right but also knowing that by morning there would be even more paperwork waiting for him. Clay tried to argue the point but his co-worker would have none of it. But then in his mind there was nothing that a few drinks or a few hot strippers couldn’t cure.

But it wasn’t fast women or cheap wine that Clay really wanted, not anymore. The only woman he truly desired and (as much as it hurt) loved was now standing trial for attempted first degree murder, amongst other things. Swiftly he buried all thoughts of Sam knowing that what they had, had been nothing more than a fools dream.

Perhaps a night out was what he needed after all; if only to prove to the world –and to himself- that he wasn’t affected by the events of his operation, and the loss that followed.

Though tomorrow promised to be a long one; filled with court cases, medical examinations and of course the usual endless amounts of work, Clay found himself accepting the invitation. His colleague clearly surprised and relieved promised Clay that he wouldn’t be disappointed. Clay wished he shared his compatriot’s enthusiasm.

The call soon came to an end leaving Clay to quickly put away his cell phone into the hidden pocket of his now soaked designer jacket. It wasn’t the prospect of losing himself to drinks that lightened his mood, nor was the possibility of spending time with scantily dressed women. In truth it was something else entirely, a feeling he couldn’t quite shake or hope to explain.

Stepping inside from the rain he couldn’t help but feel as though through his life was once more about to change, this time he hoped for the better.

X-Posted to au100 'Healing Hands'

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 00:57:46 GMT

Title: Healing hands
Fandom: Star Wars
Characters: Anakin (Darth Vader)
Prompt: 68. Lightning
Ratings & Warnings: PG-14 for dark themes
Beta: Huge thanks goes to cariel =D
Disclaimer: Not mine. None of it.
Author’s notes: This was inspired by a very strange dream I had…

Anakin couldn’t recall how he got here or why he was even here in the first place. His body was aching, burning, but a chill came over him, warning him that something was wrong. Anakin shivered and tried to open his eyes as he felt the warmth and weight of blankets being placed on his clammy, sweating form.

The mild fever he believed would pass a few days ago was now running high, leaving Anakin in a delirious state of mind. Soft voices spoke in a language he didn’t understand. It didn’t stop Vader from straining to hear the conversation nonetheless, hoping for some sign to tell him where he was as his bleary eyes revealed nothing of importance.

Gentle, cool, calloused but soothing hands slipped behind his neck and raised his head slightly with great care. Vader didn’t realize just how weak he was until he tried to turn his neck so as to see his caregiver better. It was as though his body were made of stone.

“Do not worry, you’re safe here.” The woman’s voice was almost musical sounding to his ears and carried an accent he never heard before.

Opening his mouth to speak, only a weak croak and a cough escaped.

The petite woman gently hushed him before shifting slightly so as to cradle his head in her arms better. With her head bowed and the room so dimly lit it, was hard to make out her features. Anakin saw enough to know she had dark hair, long if to judge the matted strands that pressed against her shadowed cheek. He strained his bleary eyes to make out more of woman’s features, if only to catch sight of what might have been freckles. A part of him prayed he was right, a greater part desperately hoped that he was wrong.

The mysterious woman tried to explain as best she could what she was doing.

Anakin in his fevered state was helpless to respond, save to shiver in reply. Despite the many layers of blankets and the burns he endured, he was so incredibly cold.

A steaming bowl of broth was brought to his lips leaving Anakin to wonder where it came from. He soon realized he didn’t care, the smell was too much to resist and soon he was parting his dry lips to drink its contents. The smell, though wondrous, was nothing compared to its taste. With impatience he tried to gulp it down, his hunger reminding Vader that it had been days at the very least since he last ate. Unfortunately it was nearly impossible to move, nevermind swallow. Leaving the soup to spill down his cheek and chin. Inwardly cursing, Anakin tried to hide his obvious embarrassment.

But if the woman was annoyed or amused, it didn’t show. With great care, she took a tattered cloth and gently cleaned his face.

The bowl was soon brought to his lips once more, this time Vader was mindful not to be so greedy. The soup was delicious and not so hot that he couldn’t fully enjoy it. Carefully he leaned in to taste the broth, while the mysterious brunette supported his head.

Between sips, Anakin tried to decipher who and where he had seen her before. The dimly lit room camouflaged her features, but not enough to completely hide them. It was then that Anakin’s eyes were able to make out long vein-like scars trailing from the woman’s brow and cheek bones. Between them were the freckles he both remembered and tried so hard to forget. He knew those marks, from another time, another place….only then they were fresh and bleeding. Vader then noticed that her fingers were also scarred, as though they had been broken, but weren’t given the chance to properly heal. Suddenly it all returned to him with a vengeance, leaving Anakin helpless against a memory he struggled so hard to forget.

The petite brunette was limp, but conscious. Her body was bound by wires designed to shock if one strayed too far. Vader had no idea who she was, save that she once served Padmé, and didn’t care much either. Only one thing concerned him: the whereabouts of his children.

Vader was convinced that she knew where they were and was now withholding this information from him. Yet the woman spoke not a word, not even after he became so frustrated that he lost his mind and pulled at every one of her fingers until he broke them. Even then, she spoke not a word, her eyes shining with unshed tears of pain—not for her wounds, but for him.

It was too much and in desperation, he touched the dark side to numb the shame that her amber eyes encouraged. Everything that followed was a blur. The interrogation that was in reality nothing short of pointless torture continued for hours.

Furious and frustrated, Vader, now lost to the dark side, believed he was in the presence of Padmé.

Merciless in his intent, the young sith lord grabbed her by her tangled ponytail and proceeded to beat her face against the sterile metal wall. Splatters of blood covered the walls and floor mingling with the crimson stains left behind from previous victims.

Even then she didn’t speak, convincing Anakin that she was mocking him. As though she were laughing at his pathetic attempts to find his children.

No longer able to play the games he believed Padmé was playing the young Sith Lord unleashed wave after wave of dark lightning on the young woman. He didn’t stop until her body was covered in thin, vein-like burns, most of which blistered and bled.

When that wasn’t enough to satisfy the darkness within him, Anakin tore into the young woman’s mind, ripping them apart on by one. Her battered mind did more than just relinquish her memories; it flooded his mind with images and emotions, to the point that Vader’s thoughts could no longer handle its potency.

Overwhelmed by what he had witnessed and the dark side that coursed through his veins, Anakin collapsed at her feet.

The petite woman soon followed her limp, broken form falling into his arms.

Only much later did Vader come to understand just how lucky they had both been to have survived the experience. Seeing her broken form and the horrific burns that covered her body was his last memory of her; that was until today.

Startled and confused by the discovery, Anakin wondered if the woman knew whom she had rescued or if the events were so traumatic that her mind could no longer remember it. A violent shiver claimed his body and soon the young nurse was placing a cold cloth on his head. Vader could barely meet her gaze, but did so out of desperation and curiosity.

The compassion and forgiveness he saw in her eyes left no doubt in his mind that she knew who he was or what he had done to her. “Why?” The words escaped his lips before Anakin had a chance to even understand the weight of his question.

Startled, the young woman paused in mid-action, her amber eyes holding his gaze. A gentle smile crept into her scarred, freckled, features –so beautiful now that he had the chance to study her features.

“Because I can,” was her only reply as she gently she reached out to touch his flushed cheek.

Though Anakin couldn’t understand the petite woman’s reasoning, he was far too exhausted and weak to question it. With a hint of a grateful smile, Anakin closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. His expression of gratitude was barely audible, but it was not long afterwards that he drifted off into peaceful dreams filled with the memory of a stranger’s gentle touch and loving smile.

x-posted from au100 'Conundrums' Dormekin

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 06:21:55 GMT

Title: Conundrums.
Fandom: Star Wars
Characters: Anakin (Darth Vader)
Prompt: #59 Food
Beta: A huge thanks goes to cariel for beta reading this for me and making it all spiffy like! =D
Ratings & Warnings: PG.
Disclaimer: Not mine. None of it. This ficlet takes place in an AU universe that is in the works which is to be named 'Healer’.
Summery:Anakin prepares for his first date with Dormé Jaffa and decides the best way to end their dinner would be with the re-creation of her famous dessert Conundrum. He soon learns the hard way the reason why its never wise to get distracted while in the kitchen.

Lord Vader had never been on a date before. Then again, he had come to understand that Dormé hadn’t either. The thought was as intimidating as it was exciting. He wanted everything to be perfect for his beloved who had yet to learn of his love for her.

The droid next to him once more corrected Anakin’s attempt to mix two ingredients, causing the Sith Lord to curse. As much as he wanted to take Dormé somewhere elegant, his bothersome mask made it impossible, so he had to settle with having the finest chef in the empire come to him. Costs were nothing when one was second-in-command of an empire. However, the chef was only in charge of the dinner and wasn’t due to arrive for another couple hours. This left Anakin Skywalker, engineer extraordinaire, in charge of his most difficult creation yet: Lady Jaffa’s famous conundrum.

Vader had spent months practicing when Dormé wasn’t around, snooping through trash and in the dishes for any clue as to what Dormé used for her renowned dessert. The droid was only there to help give instructions and to clean up. So far, he had little success; even less at attempting to convince Dormé that he wasn’t up to something. Fortunately she played along, though her impish, freckled smile said it all.

‘One-half cup of blue milk is to be mixed in Corellian Custard Powder. Then stir the two in a bowl until properly mixed,’ the droid repeated yet again in its monotone voice.

Vader nodded and tried once more to mix it with more care so as not to lose it all on the floor like the first few efforts. But after months of failed attempts, Vader was certain he had finally found the right combination and the correct amount of ingredients. If only he could find a way to keep it all in the bowl and on the counter! Yet despite the kitchen looking like a disaster, he could not have been happier.

With metallic fingers that shook with anticipation, he stirred the mix with great care, leaving only half of it to end up on the floor. Once the mixture was just right, Anakin poured it into two elegant fluted glasses and placed them into the fridge.

The droid reminded Anakin again that the mix had to be chilled for at least one standard hour, causing him to curse softly.

Having had about enough of the bossy droid, Vader shut it off and retired to the training halls. There he meditated and trained, mentally going over his plans for the evening, while fantasying the feel of Dormé’s freckles beneath his lips. Only the chime of a small alarm on his holo comm alerted Anakin that the dessert was ready. Stopping in mid-thrust, Vader deactivated his lightsaber and with a smile on his lips, departed to the disaster that was his kitchen.

There was still the matter of finding the missing ingredient: the spice that Dormé always would sprinkle on top, but Anakin had a few possibilities in mind.

Activating the droid Vader soon turned his attentions to remove the two tall glasses that contained the bittersweet conundrum. For all intents and purposes, it looked just as it should. Anakin hoped it would taste just as good. A boyish grin crept onto his features as he thought of how surprised and pleased Dormé would be upon discovering that he had taught himself how to recreate her recipe. Now to figure out what spice she had used for the topping and it would truly be ready for her enjoyment…

“Great goddess of all that’s holy, what storm blew through here?”

Completely distracted by the joy of having succeeded, the chef’s sudden outburst startled Vader. Crying out in shock, he whirled around losing one of the conundrums in the process. Despite having grown used to his prosthetics, Vader still had his clumsy moments. In horror, he watched as an entire day’s work shattered onto the already filthy floor. He had come so close and now it was all lost.

“What happened here?”

Furious, the young Sith Lord didn’t bother responding to the chef’s horrified proclamation and moved to close the distance between them. Had he not been so distracted, Anakin would have registered the man’s arrival along with the droid permitting him entrance. But such thoughts were the furtherest from his mind.

“If you think I’m going to work in this mess—”

The man never did finish his statement as Vader caught him by the throat and proceeded to strangle him.

“You foolish piece of echuta! Look what you made me do!” Anakin growled in rage as the sickening sound of cracking bones echoed off the walls and filled his senses.

The man was dead even before Anakin had a chance to even register what he had done.

“Anakin, I’m back early! I told Saché we had plans so she let me off duty early!”

At any other time, the sound of Dormé’s cheerful voice would fill him with joy. Now he just felt the cold chill of panic run down his spine. How was he to explain the mess or the destroyed desserts? As his blue eyes fell to the lifeless form in his one hand, the half empty fluted glass in the other, Anakin knew the kitchen mess was the least of his worries.

Who was going to make their dinner?

Anakin then looked up and into the amber eyes of his beloved friend and knew by the confusion on her perfect features that he had some explaining to do. But what was a man to do in the face of such a blatant disaster?

Putting on his most charming, albeit sheepish, smile the Sith Lord dropped the corpse by his side and offered the half-filled glass of conundrum to the beauty before him. Though his mind raced with a million explanations and even excuses, only one word seemed to sum it up and without thinking it escaped his lips.

“Surprise!”

X-posted to varietypack100 Lovecraft: #4. Insides 'The unwitting servant'

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 07:44:42 GMT

Title The unwitting servant.
Author: Jody aka Bloodraven77
Fandom: H.P.Lovecraft
Pairing/Characters: Nyarlathotep
Prompt: #04. Insides
Rating: PG (dark themes)
Warnings No one has beta read this so my apologies for the grammar.
Summary: His audience came to see his magic; he came to embrace theirs.
Author's Note: This was a gift for imrihamun whose request I found via the New Year Resolutions Challenge. Unfortunately when I stumbled onto this site it was too late to apply so I asked them if I could write it anyways. They said yes and so here is the end results! *crosses fingers and hopes they like*
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.

They all watched him awe, and reverence; it was gratifying, yet empty. They weren’t here to appreciate his fine creations, or even to embrace what he had to give. In fact, most would say his -the chaos god preferred embodying the appearance of a male- gifts were but a curse. Humans never could fathom that without chaos there could be no order or that through madness, came clarity. It never stopped them from trying to understand.

Nyarlathotep’s audience was here because to them, he was a carnival attraction. To them he was but a strange man, with strange creations, promising the secrets of the universe to those brave few who embraced him. The truth almost left him wondering why he was even here, walking amongst this vibrant, but ignorant race; even going so far as to pose as one of them.

Ultimately the chaos god knew the answer. He also knew admitting to it, meant having to face the truth as well. It was something that the crawling chaos god could not, nor would accept. Yet Nyarlathotep could not deny the gift given to him by a mortal, a human no less. It was the very gift he normally bestowed upon his unwitting followers; a gift of clarity, and the gift of secrets.

Only a select few mortals who had witnessed the effect of the chaos god knew that Nyarlathotep looked upon sights that no mortal mind could. The crawling chaos god knew this truth and was of the understanding that there were some things that the mortal mind was just incapable of embracing. That was until the legendary dreamer known simply as Randolph Carter travelled into the realms of dreams-Nyarlathotep’s kingdom- and proved the mighty crawling chaos god wrong.

The elder god smiled to the memory of the strange human, as his dark eyes took in the audience who watched him with equal fervency. Through the crowds he could see women and men alike, blushing and whispering amongst themselves in hushed tones. Nyarlathotep was no fooled and knew by their emotions that they believed his wistful expression was for them alone. Such an arrogant, yet fascinating race! Was it any wonder that the lesser gods were so enamoured with this strange little world?

Drawing from his thoughts the chaos god began to prepare his latest magic trick with all the pomp and stance of a king. Their reactions were predictable and yet never ceased to amuse him. Humans, the crawling god discovered had a tendency to refer to anything they didn’t understand as either magic or mystics.

The arch-dreamer was the only human he knew who had seen his magic for what it truly was and wasn't frightened by it. But the mortal was gone now and in his wake the crawling chaos god found himself wishing and longing for the day when he could find another like him. No matter how long or hard Nyarlathotep searched, none seemed nearly as capable of embracing the chaos god's gift the way Randolph Carter had been. Though the man's time in the realm of dreams was brief by a god's term the impression he left on Nyarlathotep was a lasting one. It was for this reason that the crawling god chose to once more walk amongst the fledgling race. He wanted- needed even-to experience that moment again.

With great theatricality he continued to activate the strange devices that were entirely of his own reaction. Suddenly strange images, alien and dark danced against the back screen behind him. The audience gasped and trembled watching it with grave awe and horror. Their terrified reactions thrilled the crawling god of chaos to no end. They came here seeking mysteries and so it was mysteries that he gave them.

It wasn't long before their minds began to register the subliminal messages fed through the strange, alien images. As their thoughts opened to the knowledge that was being presented to them the chaos god began to touch their thoughts, filling their minds with the madness of pure, unadulterated, truth.

He knew these mortals wouldn't stand a chance that their minds were incapable of embracing such truths without becoming consumed by it. Yet he was unable to resist the possibility that just maybe, amongst this purebred, sheltered crowd there would be one worthy of the gift he gave.

Nyarlathotep thoughts returned to the arch dreamer and the secrets the chaos god had shared -the warning, and the invitation. The crawling god briefly wondered if like the humans (who now whimpered and moaned in fear) he too had become consumed by Randolph's unwitting gift. Nyarlathotep soon realized that it really didn't matter, so long as he could experience that challenge again and the heady rush of life that came with it.

To his disappointment there seemed to be no one in the crowd who could see beyond the strange images shown. He didn’t imagine that there would be; Nyarlathotep had long since learnt that humans were generally too fragile for such things. So in silence the crawling god continued to reveal the images of Kadash, of his dark kingdom, and Carter’s journey; allowing himself to drift away into memories of another time and place.

“This is preposterous! A work of electricity and technology! This isn’t a mystery, but a trick created by a clever mind!”

The man's voice broke through the wails and sobbing of the frightened crowd immediately catching Nyarlathotep's attention. His eyes swiftly found the outspoken man and in stunned silence he took in the human's thoughts. Startled and excited beyond measure the chaos god realized that after so long he had finally found what he desired for so long. While his audience was mentally ravished by the dark images and the madness it bore, this single mortal man saw through it and was now demanding answers.

Nyarlathotep’s lips formed an eager smile as he reached out and touched the man’s mind. To the quivering, horrified audience the crawling god bellowed out his demand to leave immediately. They didn't need to be asked again and soon everyone was pouring out the doors and into the streets.

The outspoken man having heard the order also struggled to make his escape but to no avail. The chaos god had another message for him and had no intention of letting the man leave, not yet.

Frozen in place the mortal stared in disbelief as the crawling god of chaos silently closed the distance between them. Nyarlathotep’s dark eyes shone with eager joy as he stood before the stunned human. The man reeked of fear and confusion. Not because of Nyarlathotep; rather the unknown truth he had unwittingly discovered and what it could mean for him. This discovery added to the god’s excitement and for the first time in as many millennia he laughed. The horrific haunting sound echoed off the walls and filled the streets causing all who heard it to shudder and scream.

Meeting the human’s concerned and baffled gaze the chaos god gave a hint of a smile before reaching out with his mind to envelope the mortal’s thoughts. The man continued his struggle all the while demanding that the crawling god end this foolish nonsense. Nyarlathotep spoke not a word in reply and continued to embrace the man’s thoughts, making it his own.

The human’s mind was a kaleidoscope of images, sounds and other senses Nyarlathotep had seen and experienced only once before. Though it was similar to what he had experienced with Randolph Carter’s mind, it was also incredibly different.

The musical sound of a woman’s voice filled the elder god’s senses, along with images of full lips, gentle curses and the soft scent of an exotic perfume. Images of children laughing, begging for Daddy to play another game with them caught his attention; their emotions and joy leaving the chaos god both curious and confused.
It was all so strange and alien to the elder god, yet he couldn’t deny that it was inviting to him, pleasing even. Nyarlathotep didn’t know what to make of the strange memories but was unable resist it. Beautiful sights of green grass, blue skies and wild flowers continued to fill his mind, along with the soft fragrance of rain that was carried along by the wind.

The more he saw the more Nyarlathotep longed to see. But to do so meant that he too would have to reveal his own thoughts and memories. So for the second time in his existence the dark god Nyarlathotep opened his mind and revealed his secrets to another. To his great joy the horrified human didn’t scream as his mind became filled with images, sounds and senses that was the chaos god’s memories and life.

Nevertheless the crawling god’s new servant and compatriot was only a mortal and despite his strength were given to certain limitations of the mind. Though the human had unwittingly given away his freedom and clarity, he was more than aware of the gift given to him.

Frantically the man tried to run away leaving behind Nyarlathotep who was too lost in a moment of perfect beauty to register the absence of his new protégé. The young man didn’t get too far before he too was consumed by the images, emotions, and senses the chaos god sought to share. Still struggling to make his escape the human helplessly wandered about outside the building muttering incoherent statements of protest.

Knowing he had found what he so desperately sought, the Chaos god reluctantly withdrew his thoughts from the man’s mind. Immediately Nyarlathotep sensed that the man was outside and without a second thought was soon closing the distance between them.

Approaching his confused but frustrated servant the chaos god grasping the man by his arms and gave a cryptic smile. The man met his dark gaze and promptly screamed that he was not afraid. Nyarlathotep’s smile widened in reply and without another word the chaos god faded to the realms of dreams; taking with him the human.

The strange magician and the man who spoke out during his last performance were never seen again. Yet amongst the enlightened and the mad, there spoke of whispers of a new darkness; a strange and evil thing that had once been a mortal man. A dark being that answered to none, save for his master and compatriot, the chaos god himself.

The infamous Conundrum

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 02:24:05 GMT

For those who aren't familiar with cariel or my fics you can a peek at Dormés infamous Conundrum below. In the fanfiction it was a dessert that Dormé had created while experimenting in the kitchen. With Anakin's help Dormé decides on the name 'Conundrum'.

While writing a Vader fic -which I hope to have typed up and posted here soon- I began to wonder what exactly was in the Conundrum. With cariel's help and suggestions I was able to figure out the ingredients and re-create the famous Dormékin treat!

Ingredients:

1 x package mix of Crémé Caramel (or plain custard works too)
2 x cups of milk (1/2 cup for the caramel mix, 1 1/2 cup to be brought to a boil in a small pot).
*Instructions on package will explain this better* *blushes*
1 x container of whipping cream
1 x bag of fresh/frozen blueberries
1 x package of chocolate sprinkles =D

Random icons, please help yourself to them too ♥

Here are the main ingredients. First you take a box of 'Crémé Carmel' and prepare it the way you normally would. Except when it comes time to pour the finished mixture into the cups you instead put in blueberries (thats what gives it the purple colour you see in the doodle).

However just a warning, don't put the caramel syrup on the bottom of your cups -that comes later. If you're looking for a more nippy taste don't use the syrup at all ;)

I tried mixing in other berries at first but it turned the custard pink O_o; So I quickly pulled them out and instead added just added more blueberries...

Giving it this dark purplish colour!

Unfortunately I didn't have the proper fluted glasses, or rather I did but they were too narrow to properly eat out of, so I put it in these instead and let them sit in the fridge for an hour.

Once it was chilled, I added the caramel syrup as well as the whipping cream before sprinkling chocolate sprinkles on top-as you can see Dormé doing in the doodle above ♥

And thats it you've made the infamous Dormékin Conundrum ♥

X-posted to varietypack100 'Queen of Darkness' Chapter 8 'The Storm.'

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:48:18 GMT

Title: The Storm
Fandom: Star Wars (AU)
Author: Jody bloodraven77
Characters: Padmé Amidala
Prompt: 80. Why
Warnings: If you can’t handle the idea of Padmé being a villain please do not read. Sorry no Padmékin here either.
Ratings & Warnings: PG. Dark Themes.
Disclaimer: Not mine. None of it.
Summery: This is Chapter Eight of my tale Queen of Darkness.
Padmé awakens from her collapse at her Lake House only to discover her absence had become a day in history.

Padmé awoke to the sterile stench of bacta and the piercing lights of the medical lab. Startled she swiftly sat up, her right hand slipping to her side as though expecting her custom laser pistol to be there. It wasn’t; but Anakin was, his right hand holding her left like a flesh manacle.

Disorientated, her eyes briefly mistook Anakin for another. One quick blink of her eyes and the image of Bail was gone leaving only the padawan in his place. Padmé caught herself just in time before uttering his name. Thankfully it was missed and Anakin quickly broke the silence before the moment had a chance to stagnate.

“Padmé, you’re awake!”

The reverence and relief in his voice sent chills down her spine. Anakin squeezed her hand and Padmé was reminded of old legends she heard during her years of training as queen.

Only now it wasn’t the gods she pitied, but their mortal lovers, who were in reality little more than beautiful prisoners.

“I was so worried about you. The medics—iquichan fools—wouldn’t let me see you!

“That was until I convinced them that it wasn’t a good idea to keep us apart.”

It was a struggle to remain focussed, to fully comprehend what she was hearing leaving Padmé to silently curse the drugs that made her thoughts so groggy and unclear. Anakin’s words however, weren’t entirely missed.

Just what had he done? Padmé thought in horror. The last time he made his point, an entire village was slaughtered. Suddenly phantoms figures of the dead began to emerge from the corners of the room. Their vacant eyes demanding answers she couldn’t give. A shiver ran down her spine and suddenly Padmé felt as though the walls were closing in all around her.

“Ani!—you didn’t! Those people, the medics—they were only trying to help!” she gasped. The feeling grew worse and in desperation she glanced away, wishing she could clear her thoughts and erase the images. It was then Padmé’s eyes settled upon the face of her deceased friend N'a-kee-tula.

“Padmé? Padmé!”

Anakin’s frantic voice sounded a million light years away as Padmé continued to stare, unable to look away as the Boranian watched her with equal intensity.

So it begins.

The petite phantom’s voice filled the young senator’s thoughts without mercy. Padmé struggled to keep her mind clear, to maintain the mask. She had to look away; it wasn’t real so why couldn’t she just look away?

The doctor’s voice broke the reverie and Padmé finally looked away. Quickly she looked back but the phantoms were gone as was her deceased friend. Returning her attentions back to the physician Padmé’s promptly widened in shock. In the medics place was the aged carrion face of the oracle who had read her fortune on the eve of her coronation.

Horrified she opened her mouth to scream but the aged priest stopped her as he placed a device over her nose and mouth. With a smile that bordered on vicious Padmé’s sight turned dark.

In her dream he was there, with eyes filled with wisdom and solace. Padmé didn’t know why he was here but knew better than to question it. Even the faces of the Boranians that haunted her thoughts so often now seemed a distant memory when Bail was by her side. A smiled crept into her features at the sight of him, but his words soon stole them away.

’There is no turning back. It has begun Padmé.

Padmé stepped onto the balcony of her Naboo lake house she was relieved to note that Bail was still by her side. She smiled upon noticing that his hand now rested in hers. But she was no fool, this wasn’t a vision of peace, but one of warning.

‘What should I do? What can I do?’

Padmé whispered, her eyes turning to the horrific sight ahead. A great battle ensued and the bodies of the fallen-flesh and machine alike-littered the ground where the peaceful lake once stood. Padmé didn’t need to guess the cause of the great battle, nor did she both questioning why one of Naboo’s largest and finest lakes had dried up. The metaphor and symbolism was hard to miss.

‘You must remain steadfast. The storm is coming.’

Padmé knew his words were meant to instil a sense of strength and solidarity. All she felt was guilt and fear. The oracles warning from years ago returned to her memory and with it came new greater fears.

‘They must not follow me-he must not follow me! The war, our marriage-The Naboo will pay for it—‘

It was too late as Bail was fading away into the shadows leaving Padmé alone with the carnage and death that surrounded her lake house. The wind was picking up and soon Padmé felt herself emerging from her dreams.

As her eyes fluttered open Padmé could hear Bail’s final words that had been carried in the wind.

‘There is still hope yet.’

Beads of cold sweat covered her porcelain brow, as a shiver rand down her spine causing her body to react to the chill. Padmé almost believed the oracles warning, the cryptic coincidences and the supposed visions were all the result of her decision to marry Anakin. Fortunately her practical side knew better and firmly believed that she wasn’t important enough to have such an effect.

One thing was certain, she was trapped, and now, so was her people. In her wish to protect the Naboo Padmé had done nothing more than place them into further danger.

The old medic was no where to be found, neither was Anakin. Catching her breath the young senator sighed in relief to the discovery as the soft hum of machines calmed her racing heart.

The sound of voices from the other room filtered in and Padmé recognized the soft accented tones of Sabé. Another wave of relief washed over her as she also caught Saché’s much louder voice. Soon they were entering her room, Sabé with her gentle look of concern and Saché with her more obvious look of worried annoyance.

“Just what were you thinking? Swimming laps until you dropped from exhaustion? Great way to get yourself killed!”

Padmé smiled despite herself, hardly surprised by Saché’s outburst. She wondered for the umpteenth time how calm Captain Typho ever got along with Saché; they were such opposites. It was a fleeing thought, one that quickly faded at the sight of Sabé’s silent troubled expression.

Sabé expression didn’t bode well, neither did Saché’s sudden need to be silent. Padmé knew they weren’t here out of her personal interest. Had she had been a lesser woman she might have been hurt but Padmé was accustom to such things and expected nothing less of them. As a former Naboo queen there was little time or trust for the existence of true friendship. It was a small price to pay, one she some times still secretly regretted.

“What news do you bring me?”

She asked; her voice weary but determined. Immediately both handmaidens were all business; professional without hesitation.

“Milady, with the recent vote that has granted Chancellor Palpatine, supreme powers over the republic-,“ Sabé began carefully.

“-Senator Binks has been murdered,” Saché cut in earning a sharp, but silent glare from Sabé. Though Padmé appreciated Sabé’s need to be gentle about the news in that moment she was grateful for Saché’s need to get to the point.

However the news Padmé caught Padmé entirely off guard, leaving her torn between concern and anger.

“Senator Binks was a junior representative, not even an official senator! Killing him was not only pointless, but pathetic! What did they hope to accomplish?” Padmé balked.

“Has the perpetrator been located? Or is the investigation still underway?” she continued unable to ignore the sinking feeling that the worst was yet to come. She was right.

“Queen Jamilla believes Senator Binks was acting against your wishes as do the general populace. As a result our intelligence has done little, if anything, to further investigate the murder or bring the perpetrator to justice.

“The Gungan have since regarded this course of action as an act of war,” Sabé explained in soft tones.

It was hard to ignore the sorrow in Sabé’s amber eyes that belied her stoic expression. It was even more difficult for Padmé to ignore the cold whisper of her thoughts.

You are the bearer of death.

Padmé shivered to the memory of the oracles words and quickly tried to bury the foreboding thought.

Saché proceeded to explain of the Naboo human’s support of Padmé’s opinions of the military act and the Gungan’s decision to end the peace treaty and the war that had now begun; all over a murder that wasn’t handled as it should have been. It was hard to imagine two peaceful cultures succumbing to such violence, yet Padmé couldn’t deny that it was real.

Though the humans and the Gungan’s had their peace treaties, the violent and jaded history shared between them had begun to surface in recent years placing a heavy strain on the peace agreements. Deep down Padmé knew that one day the treaty would dissolve, but never could she have imagined it would end over something so pointless.

But then she recalled her parting words to the Gungan politician and the advice given. Had she not advised him to listen to the wisdom of his fellow senators and the Chancellor he wouldn’t have agreed to the military act. Padmé knew that Jar Jar had looked up to her-especially when it came to politics-and knew that he had paid the price for it.

Now for the first time in as many millennia Naboo was at war. Not in the name of democracy, freedom or even the Republic. As unbelievable as it was to fathom Padmé knew ultimately they were fighting to honour her name, now they were needlessly dying for it. She tried to ignore the haunting memory of the oracles words again but despite her best efforts it could not be ignored.

In your name they will suffer. In your name they will perish.

For the first time in her life she didn’t the answers she so desperately needed. Padmé wasn’t sure if she ever would.

Saché continued to speak but her words fell on deaf ears as Padmé’s found herself struggling not to stare at the glassy eyed phantoms of her victims that now watched her from the other side of the room. Nor could she drown out the sounds of their silent screams or the whispered curses of the oracle.

The storm had just begun and Padmé knew that the worst had yet to come.

X-posted from au100 'The Queen'.

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 17:33:28 GMT

Title: The Queen.
Fandom: Star Wars (AU)
Characters: Anakin (Darth Vader)
Prompt: #15. Blue
Ratings & Warnings: PG just to be safe.
Beta: Huge thanks goes to cariel =D
Disclaimer: Not mine. None of it. Not even the pairing of Dormékin which belongs to cariel
Author’s notes: This is just a random AU one shot. The choice of colour wasn’t meant to represent the colour in a literal sense rather the symbol of the emotions represented.

Dormé was entirely in her element at the orphanage’s first charity ball. She looked radiant, as always, her body perfectly complimented by the crimson gown she wore. Anakin wasn’t nearly as at home in his suit, but wanting to look his best Anakin ignore his discomfort and instead focused his attentions entirely on his wife.

One of the matrons who worked along side Dormé lovingly teased her, causing the petite beauty to laugh in amusement. The elder woman had a point; it was hard to believe that the beauty beside him only a short time ago was covered in baking powder, shooing possible helpers out of the kitchen. Only Anakin was allowed to remain, not because he was her helper, but rather he had no intention of leaving until she let him help. Of course he later claimed it wasn’t his fault that Dormé was covered in baking powder; how was he to know he was holding the bag of baking powder upside down? Dormé got him back later when she decided to decorate his nose and cheeks with some icing.

Now here she was in all of her glory, gracefully moving about, speaking in Basic, Huttese, and Uriashan while offering sweets she had made and drinks to her guests. Dormé always knew just what to say to make people smile and laugh; her loving personality was hard to resist. Had he been a lesser ma, Anakin might have been jealous, but in that moment all he felt was admiration and love. In silence he watched as she encouraged people to enjoy the music and dance. Taking the hands of some of her shier co-workers to the dance floor for a fun waltz or two, soon even they were laughing and twirling about.

Anakin could still remember her earlier in the day, dancing with some of the orphans and singing songs she heard from others as a child. It was almost too much to believe that this beauty was really his wife. Even more so that she was the mother of their many children.

“Amazing, isn’t she?”

A gentle voice drew Anakin out of his thoughts and he proudly nodded in agreement. It was the head mother of the old orphanage who spoke. By the look on her face, it was clear to Anakin that even she regarded Dormé with great respect and love.

“I was hesitant at first when she mentioned the idea. I know nothing of these sorts of gatherings and was a little nervous that it might get out of hand,” she confessed in shy tones.

Anakin grinned impishly to the elder woman’s words. He already knew of her fears that the gathering would turn into one big wild party filled with raging fires, explosions and other strange nonsense that made no sense to him. Anakin stifled back a snicker as he wondered just what sort of parties she used to go to that would leave her with such an opinion.

“Milady, whenever Dormé takes on a project you need not worry, it is in good hands,” he said proudly as his eyes drifted to where his beloved offered some cake to another couple. Anakin didn’t need to guess at how successful the even would be as he could already tell that it would be. Only a fool would wonder why for it was clear to Anakin that Dormé was the reason behind it.

The charity ball was in reality a means to an end. The building which was the orphanage was old and in great need of repair. Though Anakin was able to stay on top of much of the maintenance, even he couldn’t deny that the foundation needed replacing. After a powerful spring storm caused a part of the abandoned outer rooms to cave in, it was decided that it was time to find a new place to call home. Unfortunately the orphanage wasn’t equipped with that sort of money and depended heavily on donations and the giving hearts of the volunteers who worked there. It was because of this that Dormé decided it was time they found a way to raise some money.

With very little money and even less supplies, she turned an old warehouse into a place where even royalty would want to visit and made a feast that could fill an army. Not a single detail was left to chance and Dormé saw to it personally that everything went smoothly and everyone had fun. It left Anakin feeling both honoured and proud to be able to be a part of it all and even more in awe of his wife’s abilities to make something grand out of nothing at all.

As though sensing his thoughts, the petite beauty glanced in his direction and, meeting his blue eyes, gave him a smile that made his heart flutter and his knees weak. He could only helplessly smile in turn as she gave him a wave and blew him a kiss. If only he could find an excuse to slip off with her and shower Dormé’s petite body with kisses!

The old woman’s laughter pulled him from his thoughts and Anakin realized what a lovesick fool he must have looked to her. But if she thought so, she didn’t say a word, and instead gave his arm a gentle pat as she shook her head in amusement. “If you two have other places you’d rather be, I’m sure no one will hold it against you. If anything, I’m sure they’ll be more jealous than anything else,” she teased with a wink, catching Anakin off guard and causing him to blush further.

Who was he to argue with his elders? Flashing a boyish grin, Anakin thanked her and was soon off to be reunited with his wife, with the intent of having a little private celebration of their own.

'Cuss why not? Snagged from daringhatrick

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 21:47:06 GMT

1. First Name: Jody
2. Age: 30
3. Location: The 'Peg
4. Occupation: Pipe fitters apprentice
5. Partner?: Tim been with him dear gawd for 9 years...and we still haven't killed each other yet LOL Must be a sign XD
6. Kids: No thanks.
7. Brothers/Sisters: two brothers and two sisters who are twins. I'm the oldest ;)
8. Pets: Demon sprog, I mean, manx cat named Chang (sp?) Yaoguai, which incidentally means 'orange demon' =D

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:

i) Applying for my official apprenticeship in pipefitting (plumbing/gas)
ii) ~~preparing for operation in July~~ impromptu 'holiday' in July
iii) working brains off and learning while i'm at it haha
iv) PAINTBALL!
v) regaining lost confidence that comes with being a student again after not being one in about 13-14 years hahah

10. Where and for what did you go to school? Am going to be going to Red River college once my papers are returned to me for my level 1 in pipe fitting.
11. Who are some of your closest friends?: in RL? That would be Ginelle and Sharon =)

One of those things...

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 02:12:48 GMT

Why is it that anyone and everyone can post slash only directories, websites, and fanlistings and no one bats an eye?

Yet if someone decides to make a het only directory/website/fanlisting they're considered homophobic and rude?

Just a thought.

X-posted from au100 #46 King 'The emperor's gift'

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 03:34:23 GMT

Title: The Emperor's gift.
Fandom: Star Wars
Characters: Anakin/Darth Vader
Prompt: #46 King
Ratings & Warnings: PG
Author's Notes: A huge thank to everyone who gave me advice and offered tips on how to make this the finest Manip I've ever made. This one is for you guys =D
Disclaimer: Not mine. None of it. Not even the pairing concept of Dormé/Anakin which is cariel

The life-sized image was meant as a gift, one of many that the Vader’s had received with the celebration of their marriage. Though they were presented with many opulent or utterly useless gifts, nothing could quite compare to the holo-image that Anakin now found himself staring at.

“This was the emperor’s gift to us?” Anakin asked as he glanced to Dormé who approached.

Her calloused fingers soon slipped around his waist and in turn his own found their way around her petite waist. Dormé hummed in reply and nodded thoughtfully. “Apparently some famous artist named Ian Lago made this?”

Anakin stated recalling the message that the droid read to him when he first opened the gift. “Any idea who that might be?” he asked as he studied the massive image before them.

Dormé shrugged and shook her head.

“Me neither,” Anakin said with a chuckle before tilting his head as he studied it a moment longer. “Something’s not quite right,” he admitted.

Dormé snickered. “Of course not, my breasts are huge!”

“They are? I can’t say I was looking—I was busy trying to find your freckles! There’s none!” Vader exclaimed.

Dormé giggled before stealing a kiss and giving him an impish grin as she added, “They’ve missed your scar—this one,” she murmured kissing the marks on his chin before standing on the balls of her feet and kissing his lips.

Suddenly the massive and rather tacky holo image was entirely forgotten. Purring, Vader eagerly returned Dormé’s kiss and was soon distracted as he sought out the rest of her freckles that remained hidden beneath her silken gown.

Hours later the Vaders emerged from their private heaven and the holo image finally found its home. It was in the most unlikely and yet the most appropriate of locations: the wardrobe.

Writer's Block: Some words to live by...

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 00:17:37 GMT

What words do you find wise enough to live by?

View other answers

Most of the words of wisdom I've come to appreciate tend to be from movies. Although when I think about it generally the quotes tend to confirm what wisdom I've learnt over the years. Anyways here are a few that I particularly enjoyed.

Favorite quotes or words of wisdom:

"You make your choices and you live with them. And in end you are those choices." - Kendra Shaw (BSG 2003)

"Fear, anger -- two sides of the same coin. You gotta let go of both." - Starbuck (BSG 2003)

"This may be the most important moment of your life. Commit to it." - V (V for Vendetta)

"Training is nothing. Will is everything, the will to act." Henri Ducard (Batman Begins)

"Honour isn't something between men. It's something inside a man that can be used to take his measure. And because he has it, he can extend it to others" - Simon Cross (Hellgate:London "Goetia")

My website is now up to date!

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 00:47:06 GMT

So feel free to check out and tell me what you think! =D Most art and fanfic has been posted here but some of my older stuff is found now only on the site.

X-posted from varietypack100 #85. She 'Healing Wounds'.

Tue, 27 May 2008 01:53:28 GMT

Title: Healing Wounds.
Fandom: Star Wars (AU)
Pairings: Ferus Olin/OC
Prompt: 85. She
Ratings & Warnings: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine. None of it. Not even the pairing which belongs to cariel Also a huge thank you to her for inspiring me to write this ficlet.
Author's Warning: I haven't read the novels so this is definitely AU. All Ferus fans please be warned.
Summery: *AU!* Ferus left the Order in search of answers his mind and soul sought. Little did he realize he would find it in the most unexpected places

Ferus’s eyes drifted across the cluttered table that showed no hope of ever being organized. Water poured from the sky, beating against the tarp coverings that acted as a temporary roof. Puddles decorated the cramped work space now filled with make shift tables, cots and survivors. Random containers littered the grassy floor steadily filling with water. Hardly what he had in mind for a medical station, but it was all they had to work with and so it worked.

The former Jedi had no qualms about the rain, though it baffled him how swiftly the climate changed on this world. Only an hour ago it was stifling hot and humid, now the air was cool, almost chilly, filled with the fresh scent of rain soaked grass.

It wasn’t nearly as unnerving as the fact only a day ago this tent like structure had been a bustling school. Then again, a day ago much of the rubble surrounding the area had been towering buildings. It was but a small price of what happened to worlds that chose not to take sides.

Ferus’s gaze immediately went to his dearest friend Synnove who was even now working diligently to mend a victims shrapnel wounds. He wondered when the last time she had a chance to rest was, but imagined it was before the attack two days ago. If she was exhausted it didn’t show. Synnove moved quietly amongst her patients with eyes filled with compassion and her hands with loving care. Suddenly Ferus found himself no longer remembering the mess of surviving supplies he was supposed to sort through and prepare for use. Watching his dearest friend was far more awe inspiring.

She had always been a bit of a mystery to him, right from the moment they met to this moment now. It seemed the more he got to know her the more he longed to know of her.

There you are—I’ve been waiting for you.

Ferus smiled to himself, remembering the first time they met; her cryptic statement, the gentle calloused touch as she took his hand. At the time Ferus had been filled with questions and yearnings that he couldn’t hope to understand. Synnove’s friendship and his budding feelings for her opened Ferus’s mind to things he never considered.

She reminded him of another time, another place, when he was standing by the sidelines watching another learn things only now he understood. Never could he have imagined that so many answers could be found in the simple smile of woman whose heart was as pure as another he once knew.
Dormé’s wasn’t his to hold, Synnove’s however—

She met his gaze at that very moment and Ferus felt his cheeks warm as he wondered how she always knew just when to catch him. Synnove’s beautiful blue eyes were always filled with love and compassion even now it never ceased to humble him. A gentle smile graced her lips and Ferus’s exhaustion was momentarily forgotten.

It was about then his eyes caught sight of something he hadn’t noticed about his dear friend and with it all coherent thought slipped away.

Synnove’s powerful arms and perfectly shaped legs were covered in little freckles, a trait he hadn’t noticed until now. Immediately he recalled Anakin’s words about Dormé’s beauty marks. Though it seemed like a lifetime ago Ferus couldn’t help but smile to the memory. As foolish as he knew it was Ferus couldn’t help but feel a little triumphant at discovering Synnove had freckles as well.

He could still remember Anakin’s obsession with the handmaiden’s beauty marks or why he felt the need to go into graphic detail of all the things he sought to do with Dormé’s freckles. As Ferus’s eyes studied Synnove’s freckled legs revealed under simple field shorts worn to combat the heat of earlier he found himself finally appreciating his friend’s weakness.

“Ferus, seeing as your finished sorting through those medical supplies, I could use your help over here.”

Her voice though teasing was gentle, perhaps even forgiving. Ferus didn’t need read her Force aura to know that Synnove had caught him staring at her legs. He was certain his cheeks were bright enough to light up Coruscant.

Ever gracious Synnove didn’t speak a word of it and instead returned his watchful gaze with rosy cheeks of her own and a smile that made his heart swell in hope and joy.

Ferus forced himself to break from Synnove’s gaze and returned his attentions back to the cluttered table before him. As much as he wanted to continue watching his dear friend Ferus knew his watchful eyes were needed elsewhere.

Collecting the tools necessary Ferus soon joined her side as Synnove began to mend another’s broken body. With skilled hands and years of Jedi training Ferus gently touched the Force and began to mend the close the wounds he was capable of repairing. Though they both had their own ways of healing, together they worked efficiently and as though they were a unified Force. It confirmed what Ferus’s heart already knew, this was meant to be.

Yet, as much as his heart longed for the day when their friendship would blossom into something more Ferus knew now was not the time. He wasn’t sure he was ready to cross that line just yet and wasn’t sure if Synnove was either. Perhaps one day when the war was over and death wasn’t the center of their lives he would able to admit his feelings. Perhaps then he’d be able to face them and know that it wasn’t nearly as selfish as he feared.

It wasn’t, and so Ferus cleared his thoughts, focussing his attentions on their patient’s wounds. There would be time enough for ponderings of love later; for now Ferus was just content to be able to honour what they did have, through the gentle care and compassion shown to those who needed it most.

Dear Gawd Is it July yet?? begs

Wed, 21 May 2008 22:25:34 GMT

*Squees like a fangirl and goes back to getting ready for Archenemy concert!!♠

The Memory Palace: Palpatine Soundtrack.

Sun, 11 May 2008 17:13:00 GMT

Disclaimer: Of course I own none of this the characters, the music and the images (even the title itself!) belong to their respectful owners. I'm just borrowing them for a little innocent fun. So feel free to download and enjoy a tune or two of if you like the soundtrack entire =D

Warning: This set of downloads will expire in a week. If you stumble on this after said time and want a copy of tunes etc just poke me and I'll re-upload them for you ^__^ I'm usually pretty fast with reply time so you won't have to wait long ♥

1.The witches gold letter. -Sympathy for Lady Vengeance.

2. Leonard -Full metal jacket.

3. Allegro -Battlestar Galactica Season 2 soundtrack.

4. Battlestar Operatica -Battlestar Galactica Season one soundtrack.

5. Padmé's Ruminations (edited by Jody) -Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith Soundtrack.

6. It changes too much -Sympathy for Lady Vengeance soundtrack.

7. Battlestar Sonatica -Battlestar Galactica season three soundtrack.

8. Black Fairy -Silent Hill two soundtrack.

9. Betrayal Silent Hill two soundtrack.

10. The trigger is simulated. -Sympathy for lady vengeance soundtrack.

11. Darkness that lurks in our mind. -Silent Hill three soundtrack.

12. It was wicked from the world -Sympathy for lady vengeance soundtrack.

13. Xerxes Tent. -Frank Miller's 300 soundtrack.

14. Jumper trailer music. -Composer unknown.

15. Prelude to war. -Battlestar Galactica season two soundtrack.

16. Hitman 4 trailer music -composer unknown.

17. The war begins -Children of dune soundtrack.

18. Dreamer -Apocalyptica.

19. Palpatine Soundtrack CD sleave.

For an entire copy of the Soundtrack zip file can be found here.

Writer's Block: Scaredy cat

Sat, 10 May 2008 22:24:01 GMT

What animal frightens you most, and why?

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Centipedes, Millipedes and maggots. Oh dear Gawd especially maggots! *shudders* I dont' know what it is but whenever I see them I think disease and dirtiness *blushes*

You make your choices and you live with them. And in the end you are those choices...

Sun, 04 May 2008 18:55:22 GMT

What fictional character do you relate to most and why?

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I have a few but they tend to change over the years depending on my experiences and situation. I'll spare you the past ones and just mention the one that I can relate to most at the moment.

Kendra Shaw of Battlestar Galactica: Razor would have to be the one I'd pick.

Kendra demands perfection from herself and will stop at nothing to complete what has to be done. Self-pity is something she has no tolerance for; nor does she give respect to those she feels are undeserving of it (corrupt commanders etc).

Despite her hard exterior, she's a romantic idealist torn between losing her naive ideals to become stronger, and clinging onto them so as not to lose her identity. Though she hates hypocrites, she is one herself and knows it. I think the knowledge of her hypocrisy is also something she struggles with, and is the driving factor behind her actions and decisions in the movie.

Writer's Block: Personality Trait = Trouble

Thu, 01 May 2008 04:22:50 GMT

What personality trait has gotten you in the most trouble?

View other answers

My intuition, and my romantic ideals -aka pathetic attempts at being honorable or at least noble.

Yeah for getting off work early!

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:46:31 GMT

What color is your soul painted?

Orange

Your soul is painted the color orange, which embodies the characteristics of balance, heat, enthusiasm, flamboyance, playfulness, aggression, over-emotion, danger, desire, strengthens the ability to concentrate, attraction, adaptability, and stimulation. Orange falls under the element of Fire, and symbolizes glory and fruits of the earth.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Happy Dancy Star

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 06:46:32 GMT

Hee! With many awesome thank yous and glomps to the lovely cariel who freaking pwns all! I am now the proud owner of my own website! *happy dancy star*

I'm still uploading stuff to it so it might appear to be a bit scarce as far as doodles/fanfic goes but not to worry I'll be uploading my stuff asap!

Ama Dormé A manip

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:38:29 GMT

Unfortunately due to the request of the creator of the background stock (M3 Productions) I am unable to properly post the image here. However I can provide a link and hope that you will still enjoy said manip.

Ama Dorme by ~bloodraven77

Warning Amateur manip ahead HAHAHA

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 20:48:37 GMT

A taste of whats to come...

I know this one is filled with mistakes and the proportions are slightly off but I got tired of playing around with it hahah

Also I know I should have him holding her and I've tried, unfortunately I've come to realize that given their positions etc to have his hand properly placed around her it would be out of sight =/

This was the real pic I wanted to show off LOL

The only perfect angel is a devil.

Guess what I'm asking for my B-day?? (Bonus points this comes out day before said b-day)

Tagged with the letter 'H' by rumination

X-posted from au100 'The Braid'

X-posted from varietypack100 "Moving on" *Awake fic*

X-Posted to au100 'Healing Hands'

x-posted from au100 'Conundrums' *Dormekin*

X-posted to varietypack100 Lovecraft: #4. Insides 'The unwitting servant'

The infamous Conundrum

X-posted to varietypack100 'Queen of Darkness' Chapter 8 'The Storm.'

X-posted from au100 'The Queen'.

'Cuss why not? Snagged from daringhatrick

One of those things...

X-posted from au100 #46 King 'The emperor's gift'

Writer's Block: Some words to live by...

My website is now up to date!

X-posted from varietypack100 #85. She 'Healing Wounds'.

Dear Gawd Is it July yet?? *begs*

The Memory Palace: Palpatine Soundtrack.

Writer's Block: Scaredy cat

You make your choices and you live with them. And in the end you are those choices...

Writer's Block: Personality Trait = Trouble

Yeah for getting off work early!

*Happy Dancy Star*

Ama Dormé *A manip*

Warning Amateur manip ahead HAHAHA

X-posted from varietypack100 "Moving on" Awake fic

x-posted from au100 'Conundrums' Dormekin

Dear Gawd Is it July yet?? begs

Happy Dancy Star

Ama Dormé A manip